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What would happen if the Enterprise was running Windows?

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After an overhaul, the Enterprise left the docks with a new operating system on board, Microsoft StarShip 98. As soon as the ship was a little farther from Earth, Picard ordered Wesley Crusher to lay in a course for the Andolin system.
When Wesley failed to comply with the order, Picard asked what the problem was.
"Sorry, sir, " said Crusher, "it’s some kind of new navigation system, InterPlanet Explorer, I’m not used to these interfaces."
"InterPlanet Explorer?", Picard asked, "What happened to Planetscape Navigator?"
"When we installed StarShip 98, InterPlanet Explorer became the default navigation system. We had no options left to use Planetscape Navigator, " Data explained. Picard raised an eyebrow, but Wesley managed to find a way to set a course, and Picard gave the order to go into hyperspace.
Georgie replied : "Yes, sir, one second."
"One second?!" exclaimed Picard.
"Yes, sir, " replied Georgie, "We also had a new antimatter container and plasma injectors installed in the repair process, and StarShip doesn’t seem to recognize those devices."
"I thought all Starfleet devices supported Plug and Fly, " Picard said.
"In theory, yes, " Georgie replied, "but I need to find the drivers for the devices manually. Yep, here they are – ANTIMATR.DRV and PLSMINJR.DRV… so we’re in sector 8 of the hyperspace continuum, sir."
"Thank God, " Picard sighed. But the momentary relief didn’t last long. As soon as he ordered a mug of tea from the machine, the replicator burned before his eyes. The screen turned blue, the words "System internal error" flashed, and then the entire ship plunged into darkness.
"WHAT ONE MORE?" yelled Picard.
"A mistake in the replicator caused the whole system to collapse, " Data stated sadly.
"PURPOSE? I don’t believe that a tiny error in the replicator caused the collapse of life support, communications systems, and everything else!", Picard addressed the team incredulously.
"Yes, " replied Data, "We need to reboot, sir."
Picard gave the order to reboot the system. And the system asked if he wanted to reboot the ship, shut down the ship, or enter as another captain, or just shut down the computer.
As soon as the system booted up, Worf frighteningly uttered : "I see a Borg cube on our sensors."
"Shield on!" ordered Picard.
"Shit, where does it turn on here!" yelled Worf, infuriated by the unfriendly console.
"Try Control Panel, then Shield Settings, " Data tried to help.
The precious seconds were gone…
"Okay, turn them into a sieve!" demanded Picard.
"I’m sorry, sir, " said Joji, "Our weapon systems work on an internal protocol, and it looks like StarShip 98 doesn’t support it."
"Taak, " said Picard thoughtfully, and then, with hope growing in his voice, he exclaimed, "Hit the torpedoes, they were installed with this system!"
A nasty computer voice informed the captain that the use of torpedoes could cause damage to the system if they were not properly configured, and informed him that it was recommended that only advanced users handle the configuration. After hesitating, Picard opened his mouth to confirm the order, but then the Enterprise shook violently. "The Borg have opened fire, " Worf was not in the least bit worried.
"Report damage!"-shortly ordered Picard.
"I see – the error occured in Vx[15500:$18890]… perhaps I can fix it, sir… press any key and return to the system, so, that’s better, " Worf said.
"Thrice fucking cube of hyperspace quasi-turbulent swirl of the fifth degree, self-integrating on the edge disposition of the anticollider clift!", yelled so that the crew’s hair stood on end, the captain, "What the hell is this Vx?????".
"I don’t know!" replied the unhappy Worf.
"Fire your phasers, now!" exclaimed Picard.
"The default phasers are not installed in the system, sir, " Data reported, "They only come as part of StarShip Plus!"
Before Picard could burst into another masterpiece of space talk, Worf barked angrily, "Shield strength is very weak – the Borg are about to dock!"
"The ship is crammed full of the latest Starfleet devices… we have to self-destruct, we can’t let these new technologies and computer systems fall into the clutches of the Borg, " exclaimed Cmdr Riker in horror.
"Why not? It would make the Borg stay away from such systems, " Picard remarked with a doomed smile on his lips, frowning, nevertheless giving the order to self-destruct. Everyone rushed to the airlocks, running down the corridors past the "Please wait while your ship shuts down…" displays.
Finally the crew assembled in the escape pod. The capsule broke away from the ship, broadcasting to nowhere : "It is unsafe to disconnect the escape pod without disconnecting through the Control Panel.
A free translation, original here

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